It's a whole new world

So the NASA boffs have discovered several new planets, the last of which has a similar rocky surface to Earth.... new lifeform possibility? Nope - apparently the sun for this new planet is hotter than ours so it would be impossible for lifeforms to live - hmmm well it wasn't so long ago that it was impossible for many things which we have sinced deemed now possible! What's to say that all lifeforms require the same living conditions as us 'earthlings'

It's something to take into consideration surely? That there could be beings on another rock in the galaxies which has crazy heat seeking flame men?! Or another to be full of Aqua-beings (image in mind: Sea monkeys)

Speaking of Sea monkeys, how crap are they? I think it is up there for the biggest come down of my life (as per South Park episode which is personal fave of mine) After saving my childhood pennies for what seemed months and purchasing this fantastic set up which was to be the foundations of my life, friends for ever, a whole economy and lifecycle in my bedroom, basketball playing, sand castle building creatures - monkeys as well which was an added bonus. Then what do I get? Swimming Sperm look alikes which I had to view with a squinted eye through a magnifying glass?! I hate you TV adverts, it's for this exact reason that I turned to drug and alcohol abuse - I blame my whole ASBO upbringing on those damn sea monkeys.

So anyways back to the little red flame men, I would love to know more about the find another lifeform program at NASA - so when we find them, then what?

I can picture the scenario now, we find another planet, there is a political/religious war going on between the water beings and the flame men - We establish contact and post soldiers out there to keep the peace?!

I'm pretty sure in our arrogance as humans we will deem any lifeform found as inferior to us - what if we come across Superbrain-men who are superior to us in every way and also have bigger cocks so they steal our women? Is it human nature to accept that we are in fact the inferior ones? I don't think so....

Anyways, i'm pretty sure that we are supposed to be the only planet with life (as per bible) so does this mean when we do find alternative lifeform which im sure we will - all religious statements up until this point will be deemed null and void? Oh Oh

Im glad my ASBO past means I should only live until i'm 50 - my 12 children can look after themselves....

Wiki-Wiki-Wiki-How?!

Bon matin my readers (all 0 of you) - I'm expecting a bit of traffic soon as I now have 20 followers on TWITTER ( richie_wills ) and my Wiki-How profile has been viewed 200 times - I have now created 4 articles, such great topics as - Your breath stinks, we are on a date and I feel like if you don't clean your teeth I may be a little sick in my own mouth, how to flog motor vehicles without sounding like Swiss Tony (although a legend), I have just bought a pet, now what?! and I really really want a date, how do I get people to want me?! (obviously I am a massive expert on this topic...Player Player)

So I guess I better up the ante and content of my blogs....  As soon as I receive traffic of 30 on my pages, I will blog twice a day and actually pick topics of some substance to laugh about rather than random whittling on about did-illy-squat.

Ginger Travolta with my striped Pantaloons, Gingeyana Jones and the Temple of DOOM

Kiss x

Controversial kind of fella...

So it turns out that i'm a controversial kind of fella, king of controversy. (well maybe Princess)

I like to extend my laughing catalogue to all of the delicate little things in life.... such as sex, murder and Harvey Price ( I never noticed anything until Frankie Boyle mentioned he may be disabled)

All of my favourite comedians love the controversial form of humour, personal faves being Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle.

I joke about murder, but I have never ACTUALLY murdered someone, I joke about sex, I have never actually had sex with anyone ( unless you count this lovely lady I met in Rotterdam called Dave)

I am a father yet I joke about children (Dave is not the mother)

And you know what, i'm not going to stop, so if anyone reading is going to take offence (not that anyone actually reads) then FECK OFF ;-)

So i'm looking forward to Mrs Mcanns new book 'Finding Madeleine' - I loved where's Wally as a child, I hope this follows suit...

BOSH there it is, I said it.

Laugh out Loud

Its funny really, I don't know how to direct traffic through to my blog so i'm basically blogging to myself....
I guess thats what you do with a diary anyway, so this is almost my online diary of laughter! woooo

Today I am at work - I am a sales manager for a magazine (basically responsible for advertising sales etc)
Its not a popular high st magazine, rather an industry focused magazine dealing with people who work in factories....these people are who I obtain most of my material from...that's a complete lie.

Last night I signed up to my local gym - NEW YEARS promise for last 3 years finally made true. I looked the guy behind the register (who was signing me up) and asked "Is spandex allowed?"

"excuse me"
"spandex, like what Eddie Murphy wore in Nutty Professor"
"erm....sure"
"great, thank you"

So it's my first session tonight, I wonder if there is going to be a group of gym instructors looking out for the crazy ginger guy in black and white striped spandex.....

Lifes a laugh !

Happy new year to all....

2011 eh?! Let us see what delights you bring us.

I love people which blame the year for their misfortunes..." God damn you 2010, I had such a bad year." I wonder if they actually believe that each year is a being? What do you think, 2011 has just come along, attached puppet strings to you all and is sat there thinking "ha! i'm going to screw up everything!"

Take some control people!

I on the other hand try and prevent bad years, not in the traditional way of obtaining a great job, girlfriend, car etc. The way I deal with things is through laughter. That's right, i'm one of those pain in the arse people who thinks that its all one big game. The way I see it is we are all here for a set amount of time, i'm most happy when laughing, as is everyone around me, so why not try and make this a regular occurance?

How do I do this?
A series of sarcasm and facetiousness! This ranges from the daily banter I initiate between myself and family, extending to everybody else I encounter!

Sometimes this can be embaressing to a certain somebody (my Juliet) but she secretly loves it. I'm sure that shade of red her face turned when I asked the waitress in the Chinese restaurant for some Pecking (Peking) Duck, was one of admiration and appreciation of humour....

To assist me in obtaining my next fix in the drug which is laughter, please share with me what makes you laugh.

Look forward to hearing some stories.

Arrivederci